I am not in a relationship with her, nor was I, but we had a sort of close friendship, where I wanted more but didn't treat her the right way/make her treat me the right way. Then a friend of hers came in from out of town and I felt them fucking. Ripped a hole in my heart.
An akashic reader told me we had past lives together.
>I drew three cards: Queen of Swords, The Emperor, and The Empress in reverse. Security seems to be something you seek; the Queen of Swords seems to be what you desire to be. In this picture, The Empress is seen as being overly dependant on the father-figure, central to this read, The Emperor. I'm feeling that you are the father figure in this, and that you're feeling drained from something to do with The Empress (i.e. your supposed soulmate).
yeah, she wants someone to rely on, and I don't want it to be me because I've only suffered for it in the past.
I did 9 online readings which all seemed to say "yes she's your soulmate but forget it for now, and work on yourself/act as though you don't know that."
I really dislike the idea of being with her right now because of how she hurt me, though I know part of it was me being stupid. I have little idea how to act toward her right now, because I've been thrown back together with her without my wishing to be.
It makes my ego sick, and my heart and head are too new to relationships and spirituality to know what to do here, and what the loving thing to do is. I want to do that, but I don't know where self-love ends and other-love begins.
I'd rather just not talk to her for a few years; she's helped me grow, but there was too much negativity exchanged in the process, and I didn't deserve that.